


oh, switzerland

by torrentialTriages



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Gen, autistic Maxwell, bc thats what good friends do, hes pretendin about the drinking not the gay, jacobi pretending to be extremely drunk and gay, when u hit on creepy guys that are hitting on ur friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 05:37:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9221351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torrentialTriages/pseuds/torrentialTriages
Summary: and oh, oh switzerland, i never thought i'd have you as a friend / i need you now to help pick me up from off the groundSome asshole in a bar thinks Maxwell is fair game. Jacobi won't let him get very far.





	

**Author's Note:**

> autistic qps maxwell and jacobi are my Life

"Hey, cutie, don't believe I've seen you around here before," purrs the man, and that's when Maxwell knows she's done here. She shouldn't have agreed to keep an eye on the bar for Kepler, on this mission, but with a team of only three people, sacrifices had to be made.

She plasters on a fake cheery smile as usual, though, and turns to him, fake story already springing to mind. "No, I don't get out very often."

"Oh? What's the occasion?" He's close enough for her to smell his deodorant, cologne, and the beer he's downed before coming to plaster himself on her. She reminds herself not to wrinkle her nose. 

"My brother's in town," she says, jerking her head in the direction of the dance floor, where Jacobi is somewhere within the throngs of people, dancing in various stages of sobriety. "Dancing". Maxwell took approximately three months of ballet classes back in Montana, and she hadn't understood it then, and she doesn't fully understand it now. It's a human mystery she'll never understand, even with help. The guy is still looking at her with a predatory gaze she really doesn't like.

"Oh really?" he says, acting like he's earning himself a one-way ticket to Bone City, but in all reality coming off as a sleazy vulture in leather and denim. _His beard looks like tumbleweed,_ she thinks to herself. 

"Yeah!" she bubbles, and catches Jacobi's face glancing at her on the dance floor. "He's over there." She points at him, for good measure. This catches both the creepy guy's and Jacobi's attention, and their eyes meet, then Jacobi makes eye contact with her. "See?" 

Help me, she grimaces at Jacobi, flicking her eyes back at the guy, and he nods, disappearing into the crowd. She turns back to the bar, running a finger along the rim of her water as she pretends to be interested. How could one man wear so much cologne and not choke? 

"It's his birthday," she confides, tilting her head coyly, "And I told him I'd take him here because it's changed a lot since he graduated high school, you know? I mean, he told me about how he and his friends always had fun here back when he was eighteen and before he went to university, and since I just turned legal I thought I'd show him around home! Give him a tour, y'know?" She's laying it on thick. Can she pass for an undergraduate? She hopes so. The creepy guy nods, clasping his hands. Maxwell feels lightly vindicated that his eyes have glazed over. She continues, desperately hoping her babbling will keep his mouth shut and less creepy until her "brother" gets there. They were about the same shade of brown, they joked often, they may as well start claiming the other was their sibling. People like this man would never be able to tell otherwise. 

"And like, my brother's been feeling _really bad_ this semester?" She drops her voice dramatically, leaning over the counter. "He just got dumped. So, like, obviously, I wanna do something nice for my brother. So I figure, y'know, if I take him out to see the places he used to like, maybe that'll take his mind off of _Taylor_." She makes sure to drip extra scorn into the fake name, picturing Kepler's smug mug in her mind's eye. A little redirected catharsis, she reasons. Jacobi and Kepler keep her up at nights sometimes, it's the least she can do to acknowledge her own irritation. She smiles suddenly. "It's the least I can do!"

"Wow!" crows Jacobi loudly, coming up behind them, slapping the guy's ass with an audible smack. The guy jumps, whirling stiffly around and giving Jacobi room to wedge himself between them and collapse elbows-first on the counter. He looks the guy up and down openly, then turns to Maxwell, leering smugly. "Man, Allie, I didn't know you knew such a hot stud was in this town!" His smile where the guy can't see borders on a grimace. _That pained me to say and you owe me a drink for that._

_I know,_ she cringes apologetically. "Danny, you can't just do that to strangers," she protests out loud, "We were just _talking._ How much did you drink?" 

"A little," he says, unconvincingly, wobbling his hand as he leans on the guy, who is uncomfortable and angry at her. She shoots him a frown she hopes looks apologetic. "Just a little." Jacobi closes his eyes. "Wow, man, you're... really warm," he breathes. She knows he's doing this sober, but it still looks like he's shitfaced. 

"Danny," she says, halfheartedly exasperated. "Come _on_." Jacobi pretends not to hear her in favor of gazing up adoringly at the creepy guy.

"Hell- _loooo_ there," Jacobi coos, his hand on the man's arm. "I'm Dan, but you can call me _anytime._ " He's laying it on so thick. She's starting to suspect he's actually had a drink or two.

"Scott," replies the man tersely. "Look, man, I just wanted to buy your sister a drink, I- I think there's a misunderstanding."

"Whoa, hey, you could buy _me_ a drink instead," Jacobi insists, tugging on Scott's sleeve, then digging in his pocket. "Or- how about I buy you one?"

"Naw, man, it's okay." Scott's face is twisted in fear and anger as he pries Jacobi's fingers off his jacket, then stands up off of the counter. "Look, I'm not interested in either of you, actually, so I'm just gonna go. Happy birthday," he spits sourly, then jogs off before Jacobi can reattach himself. The two watch him leave in silence, then slump against the counter and sigh.

"Ass," mutters Maxwell, downing her water in a single gulp.

Jacobi raises his eyebrows. "That bad, huh?" He turns around to lean on the counter, giving her space. She appreciates that.

"So bad."

He grimaces, and they sit there, staring at the bar for a moment.

"Thanks for doing that," she sighs after she's had time to recollect herself. High-key human interaction is always easy to put on a pretense for, but it tires her out. Interacting with people as infuriating as Scott and yes, sometimes Kepler, just wore her out, shaking her until her emotions burst over like a stuffed animal rubbed too hard in one place, spilling its stuffing through threadbare fabric.

"Any time," he replies, the most natural thing in the world. She likes how easy their interaction is. She doesn't have to keep patching her stuffing in all the time. He bumps shoulders with her. "I'll be out on the floor again. If you need me just wink or call or something, yeah?

"Yeah. I've got this." She grins at him, genuinely, which he returns, and then they part, Jacobi to the heat and electricity of the floor and Maxwell to her thoughts and empty glass.


End file.
